Why is having good “people” skills important and how do you use them?

I never considered myself as a “people” person nor saw good “people” skills as essential because I could always avoid people and focus on my study, games, books, and boxsets. When I was little, I used to be talkative and blunt. I made a girl cried in the classroom by criticising her appearance. I laughed at others with the worst associations.

The whole world spun around me until the realisation of loneliness and self-defence dawned on my teenage self. I grew up with my father who was never home and my sister who studied aboard for years. In other words, I was always alone at school, at home, and at my room facing four enclosing walls. Relationships scared me to the stage that I had to hurt others before they could harm me. With the pressure of GCSE and the uncertainty of future, I thought to myself: What was the point of living?

I couldn’t end my own life. Courage and bravery were sucked out of me when I was holding a knife in the dark lightless kitchen. My lacrimal glands seemed to mock my uselessness, emptiness, and loneliness by producing no tears. I began to change. I muted. I became anxious around people thinking I could offend them and vice versa. I lost myself. I longed for meaning in my life. Maybe I could use my life to help others who felt the same as I did?

I joined a Christian choir in the University and became a member of the committee running the choir. One thing you might not know about this Christian choir was we not only took care of your singing skills, but also your family and personal issues on a spiritual and practical level. You would surprise how many psychologically damaged members we had. All, if you wondered the answer. I guess, we all psychologically damaged in some extend. Sometimes, saying nothing and being there was the best thing I could do for them. Encouragement and a practical plan came after their tears.

And then, I got a job in the civil service helping people with mental health issues to looking for employment. The first interview I had with my client was very natural to me. I listened, asked prompting questions without judgement, and worked with them to create a feasible action plan. I received some positive and encouraging feedback from my clients. Although I was a quiet member in meetings listening carefully to speakers, I always followed through all actions I promised to achieve. I encouraged junior staff to work towards promotions and advised them on their personal challenges. I didn’t realise this was what people called good “people” skills until I received “Thank You” cards from colleagues and clients who I worked with on my last day.

I am pleased to know my interaction with others had made some impacts to their lives. My people skills help me to make friends, alleviate frictions within work conflicts, and achieve excellence in my career. Living a life is not just about myself, after all. To make a difference in the world, we need collaboration with kindness and focus on the people but not merely the task. This is what I have taken away for my future adventure in my PhD study and research.